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come visit

KNOTTA

CITY

Welcome

Who We Are

Legacy. Tradition. Manure. These have been the cornerstones of Knotta City since its inception in 1886.


With only 1,000 miles to New York City and 1,700 miles to Los Angeles, Knotta City naturally became a nexus of culture and innovation. Knotta City boasts such modern amenities as paved sidewalks and moderately clean public restrooms.

 

Marvel at the latest in manure farming technology or grab a meal at the Chili's rated 4th best in the state. Knotta City has it all!

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By the

numbers

10K

Citizens

167

Artists

1

Coffee Shop

137

Years of History

1

Legendary Radio Station

Welcome

AN INSPIRATIONAL HERITAGE

The story of Knotta City dates back to 1886 when the foundation stone was laid and the first manure farm opened its doors to let out some of the smell. Boasting one of the longest continuous histories of any Midwest City, built on decades of family manure farms, Knotta City is truly the Cubic Zirconia of the Midwest.

upcoming

knotta city events

18

December

05

January

WINTER BREAK BEGINS

(Grade 1-12)

school

SCHOOL RESUMES

(GRADE 1-12)

school

15

March

26

June

SPRING CONCERT

music

25TH ANNUAL KNOTTA CITY DOWNTOWN GETDOWN

music

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About

our
CITY

Agriculture is not just a job, it's a way of life.

We're proud to feed this country.

DR. MATT KNOTTINGTON SR.

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FOUNDED IN

1886

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COURHOUSE ESTABLISHED

1889

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FIRST SCHOOL CREATED

1901

Hello

A letter from our Mayor

I’m a man of few words, but I wish to express my deepest gratitude for being chosen to lead this fine city. Years of playing Sim City have prepared me for my life in civil service. I have worked and built countless communities on the platform for the past 20 years and I really feel all those years of sitting behind a desk drinking Mountain Dew have prepared me to take on this key role.

A Letter from the Events Council

COME TO AN EVENT

Dear citizens,


To whomever stole the blue pen off of Carole's desk from out of the main office, we have you on camera and it's only a matter of time before we close in. They only give us so many pens and when one goes missing, it really has a negative impact on staff morale and productivity. Please return the pen immediately or we will contact the proper authorities.



Sincerely,


The Knotta City Events Council

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Faculty & Staff

MATT KNOTTINGTON
MAYOR

JAMES THE PSYCHIC DOG
VICE MAYOR

MISS MALLORY
HEAD OF EVENTS COUNCIL

GRACE TAYLOR
SECRETARY

RANDALL JOHNSTONSON
TREASURER

SOPHIE MARTIN
INTERN

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ENJOY OUR

RESTAURANTS

EAT + DRINK

The Leaning side

The heartbeat of Knotta City pumps hardest in the Leaning Side. After years spent as a top rated Michelin-starred restaurant known as the Straight Up and Down, a small coup resulted in new management and a relaxed vibe, resulting in its current incarnation; good drinks, good food, and the best live music in the town square. Don't skip out on this Knotta City cultural landmark!

hole in the wall

There are lots of holes and walls around the country, but none come together more elegantly than our Hole in the Wall in Knotta City. We're not sure what they serve or what business even occupies the property, but you'll be sampling some of the finest Hole In the Wall cuisine you are sure to find anywhere. Reclaimed scrap metal and wood come together to create a rustic aesthetic sure to impress even the most seasoned traveler.

THE COFFEE SHOP

Knotta City is often touted as the Coffee Capital of Knotta County. Our baristas boast an impressive roster of roasts, cultivated from years of research traveling to at least two-thirds of all the Starbucks in the state. And if you're looking for those special add-ons they have in city, don't worry, we got you covered. Sugar? We got that. Milk? Don't even worry about it. Honey? Fancy, but we got that too. Agave coming soon.

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support us

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OUR ARTISTS MAKE THIS TOWN

Literally. There are load-bearing paintings on walls all over this town.

Friends of EVENTS COUNCIL

Knotta City is grateful for all the performers who have graced our stages over the years in support of our town, and hope that in time SOME of them might finally be able to finish a song, so as not to bring shame upon our humble city and continue to cast a dark cloud over Knotta City's Friends of Events Council.

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CITY EVENTS

MUSIC + ART + COMMUNITY

upcoming

events

15

March

26

June

SPRING CONCERT

music

25TH ANNUAL KNOTTA CITY DOWNTOWN GETDOWN

music

Thank you for considering Knotta City for hosting your next event. We encourage you to submit your Application via our online process. This will take approximately 10–15 minutes to complete.

Event

Policy

Our

You must finish a song.


As part of our policy, promoters in all genres must maintain ticket sales totaling 2000 (or more) overall ticket sales at 2 consecutive events.


To ensure that our community members get the full benefit of the event experience, community members are expected to maintain full-time enjoyment.

Summer registration is not required unless it is part of the program’s curriculum, and since these are just events, we don't require a curriculum, you just show up and enjoy yourself. Students who are in summer-only programs are not required to maintain continuous enjoyment as that is way too hard in fall and spring terms, but they must maintain summer enjoyment each term


After being placed on administrative leave, Miss Mallory, the head of the events council, will be withdrawn from the community and will need to reapply for admission if they wish to resume their studies.


Community members who communicate with the City Office Building before the end of the term may be eligible to request a change from administrative leave to personal leave, when applicable.

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Contact

General

Inquiry

For general inquiries, please contact us using the form below.
Alternatively, please call us at our phone number.

Contact Us

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ACTIVE

Due to the overwhelming attention we have gotten since the J.R. Williams case was released to the public, we politely ask you leave our city alone. We are a community of people just trying to help each other and get by. When 1000 visitors enter per day, that is increasing our population by 10% which is quite overwhelming for the members of our community.


Please respect our privacy at this time.

TOURISM

RESTRICTION